what shall i do with myself now?

as i get older ( i know what your thinking, this guy is 15 what is he talking about ?) i find myself being put under increasing pressure to make desicions that i will concede that i am not possible of giving any sort of notion to. whether it's certain tutors about will i continue in their subject, or wether its just my father shrugging his shoulders and saying : " what are you going to do exactly?" my honest awnser is simply... i dont know. this is not an awnser i give in order to swerve a question i may not particularily want to awnser, this is the hand on heart gods honest truth.

the fact that i do not know the awnser to such questions is not from the want of trying. i often keep myself from sleeping most nights thinking of what it is i exactly want to pursue. however i feel like i am somewhat, un-educated in such affairs. sure i have careers fairs and evenings and meetings and assemblys and god knows what else, but what does it all mean. i get force fed information that i couldnt possibly compute. maybe i missed the memmo concerning what in gods name i am even studying towards, because to me it seems like i am working hard for a piece of paper at the end of it all.

when i say that i am working hard, i achieved mediocre scores in my first "wave" of exams. excelling in some areas and decending in others. however i am working no where near my potential. basicly what i am trying to say is that i am lazy. i know it , my tutors certainly know it, its pretty much the general consensus. but even though i know that i working toward my life here i feel like the work i do everyday is pointless, which of course it isnt. i often work in my aunts cafe. i will arrive at around nine am and leave at around 6 pm i have around 30-45 mins for lunch and the rest i am working my socks off. i feel like i can work hard, i feel as if i am working towards something because at the end of the day i get my £30 and go home with a warmth inside like i have achieved something. sad right?

its all well and good moaning and groaning in true teen angst style but the bottom line is: i have to work if i want to make anything out of myself. a life lesson summarised beatifully by RUN DMC " its like that... and thats the way it is!"

First post

From looking at other people's first posts on their blogs, even the most popular bloggers first posts are ones of the same nature as this, people talking about their first post and how they don't know what to write. People do this to "break the ice" as it were and is a way for them to get started on blogging. I will now in utter Hypocrisy Tell you about my first blog blues. This is my only blog and my first post and I am doing this blog as a record and for my own enjoyment so I feel no pressure to please people or to force out some irrelevant drivel like most bloggers around. However I do enjoy reading well written blogs that genuinely interest me and I hope to interest you. I inter to discuss music, books, and general life questions and problems I hope you will continue reading.